Emile de Miranda

I just want to say I am so sorry for all of your losses. Just like with Ryan Halligans dad, because of the love of his son, dedicating his life to telling his son's story to middle schools and talking about bullying...so many kids are getting the message and changing for the better. Just like you Rea, because of the deep love of your son, you are helping to heal and comfort others. You have given them a place to come and express their pain with people who are feeling the same. Look at God's son....he died for us and gave us eternal life. I've got to share some experiences with you, I dont share this with too many people. When I was growing up I had the ups and downs. And some of my downs were HORRIBLE. You dont know how many times I wanted to be with God instead of being in this horrible  place. I had a good home, great mom, (lost my dad at 2) pick of alomost any guy, so why was I so depressed? I just felt out of place, like I didnt belong here. One night I was home by myself and I was thinking ...I dont belong here...I hate it here, I was kind, loving, shy, worried about other peoples feelings, and I felt the world was cruel....I remember laying in bed and crying so hard....I was BEGGING God , PLEADING with him......pleeeease take me with you....I dont want to be here anymore, I want to be with you, where everyone is loving, caring, good...I kept pleading forever....my heart felt like it was going to explode I was in so much pain.....all of a sudden I heard singing...it was very faint.....I'm crying...and I'm thinking maybe next door he had a radio on....but it kept getting stronger...louder....and it was inside the house with me...to this day I have never been able to describe how beautiful this singing was..it was like a trillion voices singing, not anything like here on Earth.....even if there were actually that many people singing it probably wouldnt sound the same.....I just cant describe it....but as the singing grew louder....i saw a, I'm still not sure what kind of tree this was but I was laying under it and me and the tree were spinning as I was looking up and at the moment my thoughts were.....I cant believe this....he hears me and I'm going?...I'm not sure if that was what was going on but that is what I was thinking at the time...who knows......and my mom came into my mind and I knew I couldnt leave my mom....the music started to die down.....the tree went away. I wasnt on drugs, didnt drink, sanest person probably on Earth so .....I still wonder about that experience... then I was depressed again on my birthday....I dont remember why I was so depressed . I was never brave enough to end my life.....I would just cry and beg  him to take me.....but I was out on the back porch crying and I heard this flapping or thumping sound .....I looked out back and saw this HUGE yellow butterfly, I could actually hear its flapping of its wings! I was amazed at how big it was. It was far back in the back yard, for me to hear its wings....I was truly amazed at how enormous it was...I dont think North America has butterflys that big, how it got here, who knows but I watched it forever sitting in the same spot, finally I left it alone...but no matter it took my mind off other things. But I've always known God to be my best friend, the one I talk to when I am  depressed because I know he loves me no matter what. I just want you all to take comfort, because I KNOW God loves each and every one of us. I dont care if someone was a drunk, theif, murderer or whatever....if all of  you loved your children that deeply no matter what....God, this higher being, who is MORE compassionate, loving, understanding, forgiving than us humans, I KNOW he is taking care of all of our loved ones who has gone on before us. He can fix anything..he is kind...he will never give up on any of his children (all of us)  Life is short (thank God!) and we will be joining them before you know it. Talk to your loved one and  Tell them your going to go do something crazy just for them. You are in pain, you feel empty, hopeless, dont want to get out..dont do it for you...do it for THEM. If you've always been afraid of roller coasters ....go get on one. Talk to your loved one that has passed and tell them, this is for you and I want you to be with me during my ride. Go do something crazy you have always wanted to do or think up something and do it FOR THEM. They want to see you LIVE. Ask them to go with  you, I'm sure they Will be  during that moment....you may just be able to feel them with you.  I mean "mom" who is afraid of heights and rides a roller coaster to tell her son , I love you and this if for you, probably would get a laugh out of him and I bet he would be on that ride with her.  They are NOT GONE...they still exists.....they dont want to see you sad because of them...go do something  just for them and ask them to come along. Rea, I know your son is so proud of you, and you all will have tons to talk about when you see him again. Stay strong and keep the faith......everything will be "right" someday....just keep hanging on...

THANK YOU for your website.  Today its 17 weeks since Marc has hung himself and reading everyones tributes to their children makes me feel less alone. 
Hugs in grieve 

My 43 year old beautiful daughter took her own life on June 12, 2014. I wanted you to know how my heart breaks with yours in the loss of your magnificent son, and that while I have only read a few pieces on your beautiful website, it has already brought me a sense of peace, even though I am weeping. Thank you for sharing your pain and joy in your son's life -- His legacy is a beautiful one.

It is mid morining in the uk I am sat alone trawling the internet for reasons as to why y beautiful only child charlotte (17)hung herself on May 6th at our home. My grief is so great I need answers and need her to return home. I have found your website and personal story. I am not sure that I can continue inthis pain to wait for years to pass before I feel life again. Charlotte is and was my life so much to look forward to why oh why 

I have the lost my precious son Thibault at the age of 22 . 17 th of October 2013 the day I died.
Lost everything, he was the center of my life, he made me a better person, he was pure love.
Why, I will never understand the tragedy that happened, he was the best person in the world.
His mom Jacqueline 

Rea,

I have thought about suicide in my youth years. I  survived it. Please know that what your son went through was not to hurt you. He was hurting and wanted the pain to go away.  Emile got caught up in a dark moment and could not get past it.  I had a brother who committed suicide at 24 years of age. No one would have thought my brother could had done this. He was a happy and a  outgoing person. He could not past through his dark moment.

Recently, My son committed suicide while incarcirated. I don't believe that is what happened. Not in denial but, too many signs and evidence that is not they way he left this earth. I am holding on with the faith and grace of God. I know it will be a very long road for me. I have a younger son who needs me. So I have to be strong and provide him with the same undconditional love I gave to his brother. My heart tells me that my son would want me to go on. I am not looking forward to this hell or rollercoaster ride of emotions. But doing it for both of my sons.

I pray you feel comfort today. Emile was lucky to have you for a mother. One day we will see our angels. Until  then live and embrace life here on earth. I pray for you and your family.

God Bless,
Darlene King
My Angel: (William P. Ford III - December 2, 1979 - September 14, 2013)

Thank you for this website.

I am a mother also - Whislt I do no know you,  I am crying real tears for your pain - I hope it gets easier in time. xxxxxxx
Offering a big cyber hug. This is a wonderful and beautiful tribute to Emile.

Emile is so handsome, so sorry that I have to be on this page writting about Emile and my son David.  As I was reading your life it hit home........the pain never goes away.  My precious son David departed on a 11/6/2008.  My David was 19 years young, he passed at home in the same way..........with no answers no note.  

No words just one day at a time is all we can do.........

take care,
Marlene

May the LIGHT SHINE in all the young souls gone to soon <3  A candle lit for you Emile <3 

I feel so sorry for this.
I want you to remember that 1. He is no longer suffering. 2. Although this might be hard, stay strong. I am sure based on what you told me of Emile , he would want you to try to be happy.
You loved him and gave him a good life, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.
The advice I would give you is to keep going for the sake of your other children and yourself. please feel free to message me if u would like to.

 Thank you so very much for the opportunity to read what others have experienced because of suicide.  Although the sorrow and tears are not taken away there is some comfort in knowing that others are grieving unbearably due to their loss.  I am so very sorry and heartbroken that my son is gone from this earth and try to think of him in a better place where he is free from the many difficulties he experienced while being alive many of which I (in looking back) could not understand.                                                   My son's 23rd Birthday is on September 7th and I'm not sure that I can be around for it  because the memory of giving birth to him, bringing him home from the hospital, all the joy and wonder i felt at having been so blessed with this most precious little life that i held every hour of every day in my arms and the complete fulfillment of my life as time passed and he grew before my eyes and we were family and the joy of bringing 2 other sons into this world was what i dedicated my life to exclusively.  Their father being able to provide for us and myself wanting to be at home with my sons was the purpose of my existence.  As time transpired many difficulties took place within the family dynamics most of which i blame on myself and which are too numerous and complex to currently discuss and Peter-John experienced a great disillusionment toward family life.  What went wrong?  Why didn't i recognize that he needed professional intervention?  How could i allow his father, who  was very active with him throughout his childhood, have such great polarity with him as he grew into adolescence?  This great void, this silent emptiness without him is incomprehensible and the sudden departure by him who was always willing to converse for hours on end with me makes no sense.  Why don't i wake up from the longest nightmare?  Why when i do get sleep from sedatives does the nightmare just continue?  I'm sorry this is not a condolence and if it does not get posted i understand but i'm just so broken and despondent that continuing in this world without my son is absurd for me.