Emile de Miranda

Emile, Merry Christmas my son. I hope you have found what you were looking for and you are happy now. I still wish you were here to help me like you used to do with the garden and fixing thing. It's not the same without you. I am not angry at you for all the things you did wrong in your life. You did what you thought you had to do. Even the times when we were fighting and I was cross with you I still loved you in my own way. I always just wanted you to have a good life. Thank you for the good times we had together. I miss not having you around but I hope you are happy where you are now. One day we will see each other again on the other side.

Love you

Pappie

Emile,

i miss you by a pile, i passed by mm if you know what i mean,    

I wish you were here to see my face,it was NSTHA*$$ my bru

THE tree you launched from is growing like a big tree with green leaves past pluto;,.

I found your [         ] tree near pappys office and i called it the home grown greenies

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR STAY ON PLANET EARTH AND HOPE YOUR NEW HOME IS MORE FUN AND EXCITING THAN PLANET EARTH AND I KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY IN HEAVEN THE PLACE WHERE YOU BELONG

every one who has lost somebody must remember that your loved one is beside you all the time althouhg you cant see them or feel them they are there and they wish you could touch them and hug them     you start missing them more and more and forget that they are with you     they want you to relax and think very deep in you mind about them and when you are done you continue your day and lead the way for other people who is searching for the path of peace    if you can help as many people as you can and they will help you

Love bru!!!

Emile,

Ek dink nog elke dag vreeslik aan jou!! Ouma dink nog aan die dae toe jy by my gebly het en ek verlang elke dag na jou. Ek dink altyd daaraan toe jy by my op die bed gesit het en gese het dat ek nooit voor jou moet doodgaan nie. Ek sien nog hoe sit jy by my en se jy vir my ek is baie lief vir Ouma. Hoe jy my opgetel het as ek so gesukkel het om te loop!! Ek hoop jy's nou gelukkig in die Hemel by die Here. Lief vir jou, Ouma

My beautiful Emile

I haven't written to you in a while, a long while in fact. I'm sorry I had
so much on my mind that I couldn't find the words for. And searching
everywhere for help to take me out of this unbearable hurt. I am making a
scrapbook of your life. When I was going thru the photos so many memories
came to me. When you were born, when you were a toddler and a teenager and
the last two years of you being a man. You were such a sweet like baby and a
toddler. We had our troubles when you were a teenager and you were in the
stage between a child and manhood. I'm sure most parents go thru that stage
with a lot of teeth grinding. Even though you had your growing moods you
were a lovable kid. And a loving kid. And when you became a man we became
friends. The last few years have been a joy to me Emile. Even with the drugs
trying to take you away from me. You were still my best friend. The times we
spend alone together talking about everything under the sun are the times I
miss the most. When I think back now I realise you were an old soul, the
things you knew and which interested you were not things young guys usually
think about. Your search for truth in religion and philosophy amazed me.
Were you already on the road to suicide? Did you try to seek answers about
life after death? I think that is why we were always talking about life and
death and God. You wanted to know if it would be okay with God if you left.
And I told you that He understood everything we think and feel and go thru.
That He wasn't this angry old man sitting on a throne condemning us. That He
is in everything and everyone. That He is everything. Did that give you the
courage Emile?

I sit here and I wonder what you have learned about life and death on the
other side. I wonder if you are seeking more thruths, more acceptance or
have you now realised your aim in life and death. Do you think there is a
way you can share your knowledge with me? My heart still aches so much to
see you Emile, the pain makes me feel physically ill. I wonder when the day
will come when it doesn't hurt so bad any more. I lay on my bed and I wish
you can come thru the door and sit with me and talk about whatever is on
your mind. I miss you so much my son and friend. I miss your smile and your
hugs and you telling me how much you love me and what a great mom you think
I am. You are such a special and precious son to me. You came into my life
and you taught me so much about unconditional love and acceptance of others.
I am so fortunate to have known you and I will treasure the almost 21 years
I spend with you. Someone sent me a message the other day which I think is
so true: "When we are born we start dying and when death finds us it is not
the end of living but the end of dying". Because death is the ultimate end
to our life on earth. Then our true journey starts. You are now on your
ultimate journey experiencing being a soul from the start again. I truly
believe we are spiritual beings experiencing a human life on earth. This
life is like an adventure and some day I will join you again. And in the
meantime I want to enjoy this experience, pain and all. Because I know that
is what you want me to!! Visit me in my dreams please Emile, I want to see
you just once more and then I will be at rest. I love my son and friend and
I miss you with all my heart. Enjoy yourself and know I am here loving you
for all eternity!!!

Mommy